Any advice and opinions from women (or men) on my issue?

Hey Everyone. Sorry that this is so long, but it鈥檚 been bothering me and I have to get it off my chest, and see what people鈥檚 opinions are so hopefully I can put my mind to rest. Here is my story as I best remember it and as truthfully as possible. About a year and a half ago I got drunk at a bar with a friend of mine. Sometime while he was up and away or after he left, I was sitting on a patio with a woman about my age (21) I am a male by the way, and I wanted to make a move on her, so I kissed her ( it must have lasted for a few seconds, and I tried sort of using the tongue, but I am still rather timid and pulled away after a bit so it鈥檚 not like I really have her a chance to respond to it) . She didn鈥檛 say anything or ask me to stop, she seemed fine with it, maybe a bit surprised at most. Later I put my hand down her pant and touched her bottom , though as we were both sitting down so I don鈥檛 think I got down too far ( not that I was trying to, I鈥檓 not sure what I was thinking other than I was an idiot.)


She never asked me to stop or seemed disrupted ( after all, if someone just leans over, kisses you full on with tongue and all, you鈥檇 say something right?, and then I鈥檓 sure if she had a problem with my touching she鈥檇 of said something.) anyways, when my friend came back and went to leave, some of her friends ( she was with others- she was not alone) said I should leave with him ( because he was asking me to walk home with him) but I wanted to stick around to talk with this woman. At the time I thought that they wanted me to leave with him just to be nice to the poor lad ( after all, I abandoned the poor guy for a 20 minute walk home - and yes, I have apologized profusely for my behaviour to him as well that night.) Later on in the night, I was walking, about to leave when a girl starting talking to me and said something along the lines of 鈥榟ey, weren鈥檛 you the one who tried to stick your tongue down my friend鈥檚 throat?鈥?I was offended by her way of saying the question,


More than half a year ago, I remembered this event and it started bothering me. Did this woman feel violated by my actions? Did I sexually assault someone? I became very harsh on myself and forgot to remember that it was a stupid thing I had done- but I didn鈥檛 force her to, and I would have stopped had she asked me to. I have been obsessive about the event and I am now taking meds for my depression. Though the meds have helped and my quality of life is returning, the questions still bother me - Is this woman alright? What if she had never kissed someone before and I violated that for her? Will I ever accept myself and be able to forgive myself and move on? I would never do something to hurt or violate another person, and I feel like I鈥檒l never be able to fully forgive myself.


At the height of my depression I did not want to live and considered myself the worst, most vile scum on the planet, but I am starting to come around to realize I made an honest mistake and didn鈥檛 mean any harmAny advice and opinions from women (or men) on my issue?
I don't think you sexually assaulted anyone, but I don't think you are very good at reading signals. It does appear that you made the girl uncomfortable.





You say she seemed fine with it, but what you should be aiming for is a girl who kisses you back. One who moves closer when you pull back from a kiss. A girl letting you touch her shouldn't be enough for you.





I also think it is really strange to go from one kiss to sticking your hands down her pants. My guess is that she was kind of shocked by that and probably thought you were a bit of a jerk, not that she was traumatized.





I don't think you need to beat yourself up, but I do think you need to pay more attention to whether or not the girl is enjoying you kissing or touching her.Any advice and opinions from women (or men) on my issue?
Your story sounds familiar to me. I believe you have been overly sensitized by feminists. I believe the woman that asked about the tongue was just a b*tchy feminist.
Castrate yourself, it is clearly all your own fault.
I think you're totally over analyzing this issue. You were at a bar, and the girls friend asked if you stuck your tongue down her friends throat...i think that the friend just wasn't in the state of mind to articulate those words in a better way. So you kissed a girl. If she didn't say no, didnt look uncomfortable, and didn't call you an asshole, then you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You said it yourself, you made an honest mistake and didn't mean any harm.
Wow. If you're telling the truth, you're one of the most honorable guys I've ever heard of. Trust me, if she was 21 and pretty, and in a bar, you definitely weren't her first kiss. I don't think she was scarred me it or anything. I mean, it's a little odd when someone just goes up to you and starts making out with you; maybe her friend was even a bit jealous. Girls like to gossip about guys, and everyone sort of likes drama; I'm sure it wasn't as big a deal as you're thinking it was.
Wow, quite the story there. You didn't assault her because she was willing, and didn't tell you to stop or anything. So, no need to worry about it. You must be a very paranoid person, because there's nothing to worry about, you two were drunk.


It's great that you worry about her, but to be honest, if the police aren't looking for you, then you have nothing to worry about.
You have posted this exact same question about ten times here over as many months

hand lotion