I need jealousy advice from men AND women!?

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 very happy years. I was the first girl he brought home to his family, and I moved 4 hours away to be with him. But my jealousy has gone from a healthy, it's-because-you-love-him type to one that is tearing us apart. I never was the jealous type. When we got together we were hitting the strip clubs and even having threesomes, but eventually we stopped at his request, which was totally fine with me. But now I'M the jealous one and I don't know how it happened. I have to figure out how to fix this about myself because I am exhausting myself over it, and our relationship is feeling the pressure, although neither of us wants to split up.





I still get a little jealous of his girl friends, but I tell myself that if he has me around them, I know they can't be that big of a threat. If I can get over being jealous over REAL girls, why do I get so down on myself when he looks at porn or threads of half naked chicks online? It's so exhausting feeling like they are competition when I know they are not. This is where I get confused. I love my body (most days), and I am not without my share of men hitting on me, but the only guy's opinion I care about is HIS. I spend a lot of time trying to look and be sexy for him. I just want to be that outlet for him more than anything.


I have never turned down anything he wanted to do in bed. In fact, I always am the one trying to mix things up. I never gave a crap about my other boyfriends watching porn (I actually encouraged it) so why now???





So I start by asking myself, ';Why do you feel this way?'; It could be because I had caught him a number of times texting things to girls he should not have been texting, and I found some naked pictures of girls in his email. Because of these things, I began snooping and now I can't stop. We even broke up last week because I mentioned something I found (by accident, this time), and he couldn't take it anymore. At the same time I feel that my snooping is justified, I know that he does not deserve to have his history checked every day. After all, I haven't found anything incriminating in a while.





It could also be that I feel so strongly about him that I have never felt the need to look at other men (or women, which I GLADLY gave up because he became jealous), and if I can give it up, why can't he? Why SHOULDN'T he? Because he is a guy?





It could be because he told me that he has a thing for asian chicks. Like I wanted to know that. I could have gone years with him watching porn every day without saying a word, but now I have a whole race of women to be aware of. You know how you hear a word for the first time and then all of a sudden you notice it everywhere? Yeah, asian chicks are everywhere, especially on his stupid import car sites, and let's face it, they are hot. Like unreachably hot. White girls like me don't look like that. I can barely watch TV with him because the media has this f'ed up idea that if a woman on tv is hot, that she must be wearing as little as possible, as tight as possible, or at least offering to take off the clothes she IS wearing. And they think that if a man is going to be naked we might as well make him fat and hairy because that's funny.





I have talked to a few guys about this, all of them telling me I'm overreacting, but I don't think they realize how much the media is tailored to them. Seriously, watch for a few hours. How many stations are ';The ONLY station made FOR men, BY men, etc..'; with guns, explosives, and girls, or any combination of the three. The only ones we get are LIFETIME or OXYGEN. There are no naked men on lifetime!!! There are no naked men ANYWHERE! Every other station has scantily clad women. WHa about strip clubs and titty bars? There's like 15 strip clubs for men for every 1 for women, and that's if the women are lucky. Bikini carwashes? Spoiled..It's not that they get all this stuff, really. I'm all for a night of debauchery and Godspeed. It's just that we don't get anything at all. At all. Maybe a hunk on TV every couple hours, but I can bet money he is wearing full head to toe garb. And I seriously doubt that if women got as much eye candy as men that the men somewhere wouldn't ';Overreact';. It sucks watching the person you love ogling over someone else's body.





I am not the type that can hold things in- I go crazy, and all night he will be asking me what's wrong. But I can't talk to him about it either. He (like any other guy, I guess) gets SUPER defensive and thinks I'm absolutely nuts, but I can't just STOP feeling the way I do. It's a feeling. It's like those women take their clothes off just to set the girlfriends of the world back a few notches.





So what do I do? How do I give him his privacy while keeping myself secure and in check? Start looking at women online again just to show him how it feels? Let him see me get hit on and liking it (too far?)? Just plaster on that fake smile I know so well?





I would really enjoy perspectI need jealousy advice from men AND women!?
This is a very tough thing.I need jealousy advice from men AND women!?
Sounds like you got the wrong guy for you! You shouldn't be with a guy that makes you feel this self-conscious. If your always trying to look sexy for him etc. he's not right. He should make you feel beautiful, which is not common in a guy. But this is the type of guy it sounds like you need if this is the sort of thing your worried about.

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