I think God can definately improve your relationship and encourage your husband's faith. If he says he's a believer, that's different than being an unbeliever. You are not unequally yoked. He just needs to deepen his walk with the Lord. He's probably '; an infant'; in his faith. This is for God to change, not you. I'm still learning this myself. The book a ';The Power of A Praying Wife'; will really help you. I prayed these prayers for my husband and noticed real changes in his heart. God can change hearts. I'm glad you're not leaning to divorce. Pray, and leave it with God. And in the mean time, take good care of yourself. :) There's also a website called Women of Worth that has a lot of help for Christian wives. Link provided below. God Bless!Any advice for a Christian women who's husband isn't very dedicated to God?
you can accept him for who he is . religion isn't something you can force on someone , I've been married for 27 yrs and do not go to church or agree with my wifes church teachings . she goes every sunday and raised our 4 kids in her religion . I've even stated to her that when I die I do not want a church funeral , and if she wants 1 for me to leave my body outside in the hearst .
for myself if she made that big of an issue of it we would go our seperate ways
Best of luck , and remember you cant force your beliefs on any one . freedom of religion is also freedom from religion
This is something that should have been discussed before you got married and if it wasn't such an issue then, why is it an issue now? As long as he's respectful of your beliefs why can't you accept him the way he is? If it's such a big problem then leave him. But according to your religion, is it worse to be married to a non-believer or get a divorce? Sometimes when your morals and belief systems are dictated to you, it's hard to make your own choices.
It is with a lot of trepidation that I attempt to provide a possible way of looking at this problem. Maybe the best thing would be to sense how God is using this to develop and build the character of Christ in you. Right now, your husband has really become a frustrating agent that God wants to use for that purpose. Think of it in the perspective of an oyster that gets a grain of sand in its inner parts. What does it do since it can't rid itself of the irritation (in your case...do away with the husband) .
It's response is to begin to cover it with something that eventually turns into a beautiful pearl. A love covering. Isn't that what the blood of Christ does for us who are a constant irritation to God?
So, at least on this part of the problem, I would suggest you continue growing as God wants you to through dying to self...for He knew ahead of time that this situation would occur. Check out the beatitudes in Matthew, Chapter five and you can see what the results can be...a genuine identification with the Lord Jesus Christ which is the highest goal of a true zealous evangelical believer. Remember the greatness of our future ministry to others is through our successful spiritual response to our own personal trials. God is able to remove the irritation when it's usefulness is over...either by transforming it or casting it aside. That's where the fear and trembling comes in with the working out of our salvation. Allow God the freedom to work in your husband's life...He is immensely more capable than you or of bringing about change. Just make sure you keep out of His way, He doesn't need our help. Pray, pray, pray for wisdom and insight.
There's more going on here than I feel capable of broaching personally. Suggest you find help and support from women that have successfully endured like trials plus council from a godly pastor/elder. Above all, fix your eyes upon Jesus...Heb 12.
DIVORCE
Take him to marriage counseling through the church and prayer does change things.
Pray continously for him. Ask God to lead him. And you.
Sweetly, quietly, humbly - express this importance to him. He needs to know this. Also - later on - you might show him the Bible verses about it. But he does need to know how you feel about it. I don't know if you have children or not .. but your children will need the guidance of both of you ... you will not learn how important this is until it could be too late.
If you can - get him to go to church with you. Let the seed be planted.
And .. you be an example. Go to church even when he won't.
Have Bible study -- see if he will join in.
this should have come up before you married him or you got married to soon before you knew him well enough
Did you know this when you married him??? You can't change him and expect him to be some thing he is not. And if you knew this when you married him, then you shouldn't of married him. Sorry I am not being mean here, but you can't change people he is who he is
You must believe in your husband. Walking about with a dreary attitude that he will never live up to the standards you find most important wont help him become closer to you.
Love is a uniting force. It helps two people to come together, to give of themselves for each other, to HELP bring out the best in each other, not simply expect, wait, or demand that it come out.
You should speak with him and tell him your concerns.
Oh, another good thing to do is this.
Many people say I love you but.... you are doing .....
REVERSE your buts.
So tell him what troubles you, confide in him and say after that ';but I love you, and want to do everything I can to make you truly happy.';
Love is a partnership, make sure you have the same goals so you can move along happily. If that isn't the case then work on it one step at a time.
I think ';talk is cheap';. Many people claim to be religious or God-fearing but they really aren't, because their actions are different from what they preach.
If you are a religious person, and are happy about it, then act as you know you should and have your kids watch you. That is the best you can do: focus on yourself and on your kids.
Your husband is an adult, and he will not change unless he wants to. (No matter how much you try to convince him to join you, or manipulate him into doing what you think is right will work...He will just be more steadfast in not doing what you ask just for argument's sake.)
So I'd say keep on doing what you do, take the kids with you and hopefully your husband will someday ';see the light'; and join you. What is important, though, is for you to tell him that you are trying to be the best wife you can, and that he shouldn't confuse this attitude of yours with being a doormat, either.
Talk to your pastor or church elders about this. They can help you or at least by listening you can vent. Good luck.
You fancy yourself as a strong evangelical Christian........but here you are seeking help from strangers on the internet rather than God? How dedicated to God does that make you? How strong is your faith? You see? I don't know your relationship with God and you don't know your husband's. Or do you believe that every individual on the planet should have the exact same identical experience with God that you have???? How is it that a God so big and powerful created a being like you.......with such a narrow mind?? Tend to your own relationship with God and then do as He tells you with regard to your husband. You'll find better counsel in him than with us.
people can believe but not be compelled to live by the church rules. some define their religion by the rites and rituals associated while others believe it is a very personal contract they have with god. if you push him away for that reason, then you are judging him. however, if this is driving a wedge in your marriage then i recommend that you seek help from this world--from a counselor.
BTW, marriage isn't about control/submission...it is a partnership.
one more thing...YOU CANNOT CHANGE A PERSON...that person has to want to change...you need to get a GET A GRIP ON REALITY.
I have been involved with many religious people who offer lip service. I do not go to church because it is in most cases a fashion accessory to those who go. So let your husband go and he will come around when his time is right.
Sooooo..... the options are ';strong evangelical Christian'; or ';submissive respectful wife'?
Any middle ground in there? Any of that '; ...all things in moderation.'; kind of thinking going on?
You sound like a severe woman that needs very strong direction from..... someone... or something.
Imagine the accomplishments that could be yours, if you only thought for yourself instead of turning your thinking over to... someone..... or something.
I would suggest getting the book Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartin....I think that is her name. Look it up on Barnesa dn Noble.com.
How I wish you would have asked this before getting married. There's not much you can do for your husband, except pray for him. He'll change when he wants to.
Will my parents were the same way they have been together a really long time. They had four kids. I am 31, and I am the youngest. She go to church he goes hunting. I don't have a lot more than that to tell you but you know as well as I do. Divorce is wrong. I don't mean to sound mean, there is a lot of women out there that need to become more understanding with men. Like my mother did with my father
I'm with Linda, this is new information for you? You should probably speak with your clergyman about your feelings and see if your husband is willing to do so as well. If this is the only problem in the relationship though, I would think you could work through it. Are you sure that he wants a submissive wife?
well i was married to a man that hated church and it broke up our marriage. after 31/2 years we were divorced. and i prayed so hard to God to bring him to church, well it never happened. but, we had a child together. and we finally got divorced. i am now single again. it is hard. but, this time around i want to make sure they are a going to church christian or i don't want them. if you have to divorce learn from it OK. good luck and i will pray for you. but, remember to stay with God because hell is not a fun place to go.
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