I don't know how your marriage can survive if you have 3 kids AND work full-time. Who is the wife and mother if you're at work all day? No wonder you're fighting-- on the weekends every one is exhausted and pressured and you have chores to do. If you didn't work you'd get your shopping done during the week.
Feminists say women can ';have it all'; but at what price?HEY! Need Advice!!! I'm a married women with 3 children. I work full-time in the Medical Field. I have?
One counseling is good. Were you and your husband religious before all this went down... The church won't help or change your marriage. If you want to do something as a family try miniature golf? Remember the what was at the core of the relationship; why you feel in love in the first place. Forget all the shallow things that are bothering you know. Go to counseling.
Start doing things with the children on your own all weekend and leave him be. Obviously he has given up on the marriage already if he is refusing counseling. I personally would leave for good and file for divorce because no kid wants to be around all weekend while their parents fight all the time.
I think you need to slow down and really think about the situation. Answers dont come right away. They take a while. If you already left him once and went back to him what difference would it make to leave him again and go back again. Think about what you really and trully want. Ask yourself how much you can take, is it worth it and will it make you happy. I've been through something similar so I know what you're feeling. Best of luck!
Go to counseling alone at first and see if that helps. The church thing should not be such an issue with you. Go by yourself and take the kids... be good for them.
you could go to a marriage counsellor by yourself. it will help you deal with your husband.
If you are dissatisfied, and wish counseling, and he won't go, you have the following choices:
1. Get a session or two for yourself to find out why you feel you deserve so little in a husband and father.
As well, have your counselor help you with all of the options outlined here below.... those that are in under the heading of ';if I stay'; and those under the heading of ';if I leave';.
2. Outline your options.... are you better off financially and emotionally staying or leaving?
a. ';If you choose to stay';, are the way things are currently going satisfactory enough for you to deal with as your future years progress?
b. ';If you choose to leave';, can you support yourself and your children emotionally, as well as financially? Is the life of a single mom better than life with this guy? Because few guys you'd really like to marry will even date seriously a lady with children... Few are interested in parenting some other man's kids....Single moms just get used.
And you came back once before, so are your threats just hollow, and he knows that, and you'll put up with it again, and forever?
All these are just some of the dynamics of ending for keeps an unsatisfactory relationship, hon, and each of these has sub sets of considerations your counselor can help delineate for you.
Does he help you at all with the kids and housework? It is alot if you have 3kids and work full-time. Let me ask you this did both of you decide in having all them kids? I think that's a big issue in partners. Maybe your husband would also like some alone time with you and hate to say this but maybe he's felling resentment towards you since you are way too busy for his needs. You two need some alone time...I recommend having lots of sex! Sounds like the both of you are stress!!
In regards to the church If I were you I would back off on that issue. No one likes being demand to doing things they are not ready to do. If you feel strongly about this then maybe you should take the first step and going to church with the children. Who knows maybe he will join you once of theses days. But don't pressure the man in doing something that's not in his heart.
One thing I can say is give your husband credit for at least going shopping with you to places. My husband does not go shopping with me but that's o:k with me. He at least helps me with chores around the house.And he MAKES me take break when I'm stress out!! Oh yeah about the conselor issue If he's not ready to go that's o:k at least you should GO! You need to vent at least with someone. Word of advice not all marriage conselor know what they7 are talking about! I went to a couple of them and all they could tell me was to leave my husband since I was quote '; In a abusive relationship';
You need to find a conselor who can give you ideas to make the marriage work, does not tell you leave him.
Anyhow Best of luck!
my advice would be to leave. he is not giving you no act right and the power that you need as a woman. if he loves you he will do whatever it takes to make this relationship work. obviously he has something going on that is more important than you and your children. he do not want to participate in no family activities,ask yourself he is he doing his activities with and spending his time with the reason why something can be so boring to you and not him. you left him,once before correct. YOU came back to him,he did not come back to you. just try to leave for a while or leave and see how his expression may be. if he gives an i don't care attitude ,he doesn't. maybe you are in one of those relationships were you are in love with yourself,i could be wrong. i was in a relationship something simular and i was in love by myself. you are a woman you deserve better. u'm telling you what i know and not what i assume. if you have to make a man or ask a man to enjoy or participate in things you want to do,you deserve better. it's nothing wrong with a man not knowing what to do because you can let him know what you want., a man for you will ask you what you want in a relationship. he will try to see what makes you and your children happy. he will also know what to do,when to do it, how to do it, and at the same time make you excited. make you happy that you have finally found that within a person and he will also make you appreciate him. that is a real man and that only comes from someone who actually wants to be with you.
I'm pasting in an answer I gave to a similar question last month. Your situation may be different (he may not be saying that you nag him, for example), but my recommended strategy for you is the same. You can only change you, so save your marriage by fixing *you* and *not* fixing *him*. Feeling follows action. The more you BEHAVE as if you love him by doing loving things for him the more you will FEEL as if you love him. Over time, he will respond. I firmly believe that if you follow this advice, your relationship will improve and the rest of the things you wrote about will resolve themselves.
Here's the other answer:
There is only one thing you can do. It may not save your marriage, but I think it's the only way you have a chance.
You may not have done anything wrong. Please don't take what I'm saying as blame. But I do know one thing for sure: YOU can only change YOU. Since you are asking for help, I can only give you advice on what YOU can do. You have to take charge of this solution because it sounds like he isn't going to.
Your two biggest clues about what to do are in the two complaints you listed: He thinks you nag and you won't ever be happy. You have to take action and love him. That is, you have to do loving things for him even if you don't feel like it. I'm not talking about sex here - although sex is good and will make him feel more connected to you. I'm talking about looking for things to praise him up for, thanking him for the work he does, telling him that you appreciate that he's actually there with you, bringing him a cup of coffee without being asked, making his favorite meal. And so on. You know him and I don't, so you should be able to come up with at least a few ways that you can lovingly, meaningfully show him that you care.
You must be prepared for negative reactions from him on this. Don't get upset if he doesn't respond right away. He's probably expecting you to nag him about not showing appreciation. Surprise him by *not* nagging him.
You must also be prepared to do this for a while. You might even want to apologize to him to get this whole thing kicked off on the right foot. You might say something like, ';You've said that you think I nag you and that you think you can't please me. I don't want you to think of me that way. I'm sorry that my behavior gave that impression. I love you and appreciate you. I think you're great! I'm going to start working right now to change that perception of me.'; Then you have to follow through.
If you lovingly and consistently follow this advice I believe that you have a good chance to save your marriage and bring it back to a place stronger than ever before. Guys are simple. Give them appreciation and affection FIRST and then you get all the power. He'll end up wrapped around your little finger.
BTW - I used this strategy in reverse on my wife when we were headed for divorce. I showered her with love. It took months, but it saved our marriage. We're happier today than ever before. The key to our success was that I had to focus on fixing ME. The more I focused on fixing HER, the worse it got.
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