MY FIANCE' HAS BEEN TALKING TO HIS EX.......MEN AND WOMEN PLEASE GIMME YOUR ADVICE...?

I recently found out (hard evidence, not he say she say) about some conversations my fiance' has been having with his ex. Over the past year (we've been together for a year and a half) he has told her he was not happy with me. And even invited her to come see him in Japan a few months after I had been there (military)





I know this sounds clean cut.....BUT him and I were on a good note when he was telling her this stuff. Well maybe not LOL, but what I mean is we were not arguing and were able to communicate regulary. Also, I recently asked him if he still wanted the relationship because things have been hard during this deployment (our first) and I just wanted to be sure. He said yes, and was very hurt that I asked him that. If he said no I woulda been hurt but at least I woulda had the truth.





He has been making life plans with me (where to live, what to do after military) for when he gets back this winter. He communications officer gets in touch with me for anything. I guess my question to ya'll is why do you think he wouldnt just have gotten out when I asked him if he still wanted the relationship? Why can't people be honest. And he invited the ex (who knows he is engaged of course) out to where is in the March that just passed. I know she didnt go. But if he is doing all of this why is he still making plans to be with me. It seems like to me he still cares about her. It also seems like he is needy for attention from whoever...





And when I asked him if he still wanted the realtionship.....he said yes and he was hurt that I felt that way. Just please give me your input.





In my eyes its over. But some trusted people who's advice I respect...have told me not to make any rash decisions. That sometimes guys just like attention from ex's and doesnt mean thats who they wanna be with (gimme a break) lolMY FIANCE' HAS BEEN TALKING TO HIS EX.......MEN AND WOMEN PLEASE GIMME YOUR ADVICE...?
wow SO I basic live this my parents are basically the same expect they are married and have two kids and my dad isn't in the military...lol Look in my eyes he wants the best of both worlds and if you don't mind sharing stay but...I'm guessing you don't like to share which neither would I first I would talk to him about it...using he said she said like i Heard you and (w.e her name is) have been talking blah blah blah if he lies then you know he has something to hide if he lies tell him O well i found the email (or however you know they talked)then see what he says and if he doesn't come clean then you know what you need to do you don't deserve to be in that and it would be really bad to ignore it get married have kids and have them dealing wit what should have and could have been solved before y'all got married....MY FIANCE' HAS BEEN TALKING TO HIS EX.......MEN AND WOMEN PLEASE GIMME YOUR ADVICE...?
Pretty huge breech of trust - not like you were separated or fighting (not that that would be an excuse). He's still looking, sorry.
I agree with everyone else here! Once there was sexual things going on with these two and once that flame gets sparked........ im sorry but very unacceptable in my book.
You posted a variation of this yesterday. It's possible that you are looking for a specific answer you already have in mind. Just tell us what you want to hear.





If (as you say) in your eyes it is over, then what else do you need? Someone to change your mind? Only you can decide what is best for you....not strangers on the YA board.





There were issues yesterday when you posted. Today there are additional issues....see a pattern? Do you want to see/discover more issues tomorrow? Sometimes you have to cut your losses. As I said yesterday, it's about the character of the person you are dealing with.





Some women turn a blind eye to things that are staring them in the face and later they wished they had taken heed. Do you want to live your life discovering unfavorable issues every day about a man you are with or married to? Your choice, your decision, but I can't sugar coat what I say in cases like these. You are seeing the writing on the wall...read it.
Some of your trusted people may feel that it is better to be with someone whom is not 100% committed than to be without. I think he has shown that he is not 100% committed to you. Sure he likes you, still wants to be with you, etc. but he is still not over his ex. You really shouldn't be making future plans with a man who still fantasizes (and tries to connect) with his past lover. This is a recipe for you to be hurt.
for the last part ur so right GIMME A BREAK!! your trusted people are pretty damn wrong. what do they mean, some guys need that attention from their ex, that just means that he still likes her its so obvious. thats disrespecting you in so many ways. i believe you should have to sit down and really talk with him about it like throw everything out on the table. and if he sounds a little rocky then you know its over. confront him and see what he says. but with the way he's acting i would not be with this guy. if he doesnt have the patients to be with you since you are in the military, then he doesnt deserve your love. TRUST ME. my HUSBAND of almost 7 years, his ex can you believe still calls and talks to his mom and when she found out we got married and had a kid (married for 1 1/2) she hasnt called but we'll see. and im gunna tell you she likes him and he likes her but sadly enough to say he like you too but he cant have his cake and eat it to. dont disrespect yourself and make the right decision. Good luck babe!
Insecure guys will want attention from other women besides their fiance, simply because it makes them feel that they've got options, that volunteering to be with one woman for the rest of their life is the right thing to do, and not just the best idea under the circumstances.








Talk to him, not us. The talking isn't a big deal.. the visiting part is more disturbing. He could be gambling, however, that she'll never come, but with the option open, it's an invitation for her to keep in touch.





Anyhow, talk to him. Be rational, stop being so insecure, and if he wants to stay together, ask him to leave her in his past, where she belongs. If he can't do that, you need to find someone who can.
Id call the engament off at the VERY LEAST. It sounds like he doesnt have his head on straight when it comes to the two of you and you DONT want to get married with that.I agree with you. It should be over, or at least do the 'I think we need some time apart' gig, as it is sooo very obvoius that you do. Ha...he would probably go running to his ex,. and then there would be the answer to THAT question.


Best of luck!