Need some advice please!! From men & women.. It would really help me.?

My husband of 10 years cheated on me back in May. I found out only because he was so stupid and hid a letter he wrote to his tramp and a card. I confronted him with the letter, swears he did NOT sleep with her and it was just one date. Bullsh*t!!The letter was so descriptive and hurtful I can't get it out of my head. He came back home in June. Since January 07 he has been acting strange, picking fights with me, started smoking ect. In my heart I know he cared a great deal for this girl. He told her he was married and she wanted nothing to do w/ him. (So he says). Now he is very sincere and wants me to stop throwing this in his face%26amp; begs for my forgiveness. But I just can't, not just yet. I'm still very hurt. I feel like a fool! His gym pals know about this other woman. My heart is broken and my pain is unbearable. I'm a beautiful person inside and out. I deserve better! so do my kids. I can't bare this pain anymore. I think I actually hate him. Do I divorce him? we are both 32 yrsoldNeed some advice please!! From men %26amp; women.. It would really help me.?
No. These is my reason. He has admitted and he asked for forgiveness only that you are angry, hurt and mad about his action which is of cause understandable by for your interest and that of your kids, give it another chance However painful it is, rebuild these broken bridge and trust. Ever since he did, he had been sleeping with you, perhaps his guiltness was making him reacts disorderly towards you. Have a better communication without anger and solve this. Remember to let anger, altitude, etc loose. let them go and rebuild your marriage. If you divorce him now, there is no guarantee that the next man in yourlife would be perfect than him. I have seen this happening and final they turn back to their ex trying to win them back.Need some advice please!! From men %26amp; women.. It would really help me.?
Go to marriage counseling and learn how to get past this.





No matter which way your marriage goes, you need to learn to get past it. Just remember, that he is human and we all make mistake ';to err is human,'; is all too true.





In counseling you may learn exactly why he felt the need to stray and work on the cracks in your marriage. And if it falls through, then the counseling will make that easier for you, him and especially the kids.





We all F*%k up soemtimes and he did in a major way, decide to forgive him, find out why he felt the need for it,and make sure it doesn't happen again. You vowed to stick together ';for Better or for Worse,'; you need to make the ';worse'; become the ';better.';
Hi, I am sorry to hear about your situation. I would recommend counseling. If you cannot trust him and cannot put it aside, then you just can't and you will never be able to trust him or be happy. Maybe the best thing to do is cut your losses and get a divorce. You will eventually find the person for you that will make you happy.
God, I am sorry you are going through this. I have been in a position almost like yours. I don't know if this is the first time your husband has done this or if this is the first time he has been caught. 10 years is a long time to throw away for a one time mistake. We are all human and we all mess up. I am NOT saying to blame yourself, but please try to take a look back and see if ANYTHING has happened that would have made him start to look another direction. I am one to believe that MOST affairs happen for a reason. Especially if your husband has only done this one time. I don't believe in the ';once a cheater always a cheater'; in EVERY case. I believe that each case is individual and should be analyzed as such. If your husband is not the cheating type, and seems sincerely sorry for what he has done, then you both need to go to counseling. I would suggest going to one that will see you together and separately. In my case, with my EX husband, he cheated on me so many times it wasn't even funny. I kept giving him chance after chance and he would say he was sorry, then turn around a month later and do it again. We were having sex at least 5 times a week, so I still don't know why he did it, other than he is just a cheater. He cheated on me during our first year of marriage, and several other times during our 8 year marriage. No one can tell you when you have had enough, or if you can't take it anymore. Only YOU know that answer. He needs to be doing everything to re-assure you right now, and that means allowing you to scream at him and to be angry with him (not in front of the kids though). Please email me if you ever want to talk. I'm so sorry for your pain because I know that nothing hurts worse than this.
i would never encourage a divorce but if it was me in your shoes, i would kick my hubby out.


it would hurt but i couldnt deal with that kind of hurt, humiliation and i know i will never be able to forgive something like that.


marriage vows are taken for a reason and should be honored.


somethings can be worked out but for me personally, if he ever abused me or my children in any way or cheated, that would be it.


im so sorry for you and your kids.
Get out while the getting is good. Once a dog bites...
what your husband did to you was really bad and i understand your pain...how can you bring back a relationship to what it was before once trust has been destroyed? it is up to you to make the move...if you forgive him...you have to completely forget what happened and give him a clean slate...constantly bringing it up would only strain your relationship...however, if you really cant get past this and it is only causing further pain on you and your children, then i think you should just file for divorce and pick up the pieces of your life...
I would say it is time to move on, if you can't let go of the anger and it is turning to hate, you need to go. The hate will turn to bitterness and then you will only exist to torture each other.





The other side of this is your kids... they are not stupid and are picking up on all of the conflict and anger between you. It would be best for the kids if you divorced.





Also on that note just because you are mad at your (maybe soon to be ex) husband, if you divorce and he is a good father don't shut him out of the kid's lives. That will be punishing them for his sins and that just is not right.





I am sorry for your pain and good luck.
yes u need to get rid of him, u have no feelings for him now and i can understand that. he just robbed u and ur children of a family by being with this tramp. and u don't know what he did when he was with her, what if he licked her everywhere, would u still want to kiss him now, his tongue on all of her privates and then in ur mouth. i feel for u and wish u the best in everything. i'll keep u in my prayers
I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Just reading your posting brought me to tears as I remembered that time in my life. I have been married for 25 years. When I had been married for 10 years, my husband had an affair, she was half my age 18(barely legal) and 100 pounds soaking wet. When I found out I was devastated. I didn't think I would ever recover or that our marriage would survive. We managed to stay together only because he was willing to admit he had made a enormous mistake, that he was committed to proving to me I was the most important woman in his life and convincing me it would never happen again. For me it was critical to understand why. I believe ';why?'; is a clear predictor of whether or not it will be a recurring problem. My husband made amends for about 2 years working hard to change my opinion and obtain my forgiveness. Your husband's behavior is not showing contrition, this is not a good sign. Actions speak louder than words. There is a reason adultery is the only accepted reason for divorce in the bible (if only as a last resort). Ultimately only you can decide whether you can forgive him or need to leave. Keep in mind that truly apologetic people do not pick fights or adopt offensive habits. Perhaps marriage counseling could help you work through this sad time. I would look for a christian marriage counselor with a good reputation. For me my faith gave me the strength to just keep putting one foot in front of the other until I had walked through the pain. My heart goes out to you. I will keep you in my prayers. Good Luck and God Bless.
You will never forget this. You need to move on with your life. You do deserve better. He made his bed he needs to lie in it.
I've been there too, our circumstances are similar.





we decided to make a go of it and got back together 1st week of August, its been s.h.i.t ever since.


He's refusing counselling, although he initially promised he would. he hasn't changed jobs, although he promised he would (they work together).





He blames me and is constantly putting me down, nothing is ever good enough.





I know the truth, I know it was all him and I was innocent. i do not harass him about her, ever. His problem is his guilt. That is why he offloads onto me blaming me and criticising me all the time.





If he just got counselling he'd be better off, and then so would we too.





I didn't realise this, but the first step is for the man to forgive himself. If they can't do that, then the marriage is doomed. if he doesn't forgive himself then he can't take responsibility for the consequences (ie your reactions, etc), which means he'll continue to argue with you and be nasty.





you'll feel hurt for a long time. its easy to make the decision to forgive, but the pain doesn't go away for a long time. you'll have days where you will wonder 'what if' you'd ended the marriage back when you found out. you'll think that you might have spared yourself some misery. then you'll think of the kids, your 10 yrs together and your judgement will be clouded again.





the road to recovery is really really long. counselling is the only way to get through it. plus you need to see long term consistent effort from him that he is making amends. without that the pain continues and you'll have jealous relapses and hissy fits to him about her, and on and on.





get him into marriage counselling as soon as you can.





good luck!!
i feel your pain. sometimes affairs can be worked on and sometimes they can't. if you truly think you cannot get past this then i'm thinking divorce is the only answer. good luck to you.
yes. u can either forgive and 麓forget or leave him. what u re doing now u re torturing him, yourself and your kids. so either trully forgive him or divorse, u obviously can't live like this till the rest of your life.
He's the one who has to feel bad about this. He's the one that has to make this up to you and your family by being a better father and husband. If he's not willing to step up and be a man then maybe it's time to cut your losses and move on. Life's too short to live in a marriage that died the moment you found that letter.
I went through a very similar situation after 9 years of marriage. I also found out through a letter she'd written to him ,very descriptive. I can only tell you what I did, which was to stay because I didn't want my kids to suffer through a divorce. I finally left him 10 years later, because of another situation that he was involved in. It turned out that, in fact, he'd been pretty much a serial philanderer while playing at being the ';sad and sorry husband';. I divorced him, and it was the best thing I ever did.





As long as you have this eating away at your heart, you'll continue to feel angry and miserable. The old saying is true..';if you think he is playing around, he probably is';. Give this a lot of thought, only you know what is right for you. I wish you well, and hope that you can eventually find happiness again, either with him or without him.