Men - would you really be in love with this girl? Women - what would you do? (Relationship advice)?

I am a woman who was married to a man at a young age. We also have a daughter together. He cheated and we broke-up, when my daughter was 9 months old. We are seperated now, but still legally married. We now live in 2 different states. He is visiting to see our daughter and I found a video of him and his new girlfriend having extremely graphic, nasty porno-type, anal and oral s*x, and a picture of them (that was taken at a studio) in his wallet. I guess I was always hoping that we'd get back together eventually, but now I am extremely upset. I had so much in common with this man, loved him more than anybody and we had a family. My daughter is so incredibly excited to be spending time with him and I know she wants both parents to be her family and be together.





My question is: Do you think that a girl who would do that stuff after dating for a short while is just a sexual fling for this man, or could they actually have potential at a strong, loving relationship? I know men can be kinky, but at the same time I don't think they'd respect a woman like that long enough to really be serious about her due to the woman not being ';respectable'; or ';someone they could take home to mom';. ie: she must be sleezy to let him do that and while he likes it, the realtionship is just temporary.





Men: would you be long term with a girl like this?


Ladies: would you ever want to work something out with a guy that did that in the long run for your family? Would you hold on to that hope like I had been, or would you give up?





What do you think?





I am crushed. :-(Men - would you really be in love with this girl? Women - what would you do? (Relationship advice)?
k, i hope i dont offend you because i am going to be honest here. first, i think the photo is more indicitive than the sex video. if they are going to have professional pictures done, they are more than just a fling. i have had my share of flings, or guys that i casually date, and i have not been to get pictures done with one of them. most likely, they are together. i cant help but to feel confused about why you hold onto the notion of getting back with him. to me, that is like keeping some ripped, stained, old, ugly jeans on your shelf in the hopes that one day they will fit again. but why? they are crap to begin with. and when you put them back on you will see that they are just an ugly pair of jeans. see what i mean? you hold on to the hope that you will in 4 years maybe, possibly get back with the ';ex';. i can see if he was a good guy, good father, treated you like a princess, etc but he isnt. so what are you waiting around for? yes, you love him. i totally get that. But it is not worth it. you have to let go, and if you stay married ';for the $'; that is not healthy. it is at the cost of your emotional well being, and i highly doubt that the extra $ is worth catering to his needs, not saying things in case he doesnt give you the $, etc. I feel like he has moved on, and you still havent. and i feel like the ';$'; is your excuse for keeping the marraige. if that is really what it is about, then i am wrong. but i feel like there are other reasons. basically, i feel like you are hanging on to something that is not worth it. and i feel like you will not meet anyone and fall in love again if you continue to hang onto that hope because you still are not over him and will not be until you move on completely...Men - would you really be in love with this girl? Women - what would you do? (Relationship advice)?
Yeah, I would see her as nothin more than a sexual tool for me to play with. She wouldn't have any other purpose. This is of the POV if I were single, because I wouldn't even entertain that now.
I agree with Sheloves 100%
The sex is just that, sex. As to whether it's a relationship that they care for each other, is a completely different question. I cannot speak for other men, but as for me, I'm comfortable with my own choices enough that if I care for someone, in a loving relationship, then I will respect them whether they are wild in the bedroom or not. Men's heads are turned temporarily by sex, but their attention will soon wander unless there is more than that.
What the girl did within the confines of her relationship with your 'ex' husband really does not concern you. You may still be in love with your husband but both of you have not worked on getting back together. Find out if he wants to work it out and see where that may lead. It would be nice if both parents are in the same house for your daughter's sake.





Edit:


Talk to him Girl. If you all can make this work that will be one more marriage that did NOT end in divorce. The fact that he has not asked for a divorce during this time is a good sign.





Try to put the video thing behind you. I commented on such a thing on the board recently and I got a bunch of thumbs down for it. I do believe that women who are not married to men should not be so sexually 'liberated' as I feel there can be no respect from the man there. So I do share your view on it. However, you should not let that deter you in trying to get back with your husband.





I sincerely wish you all the best and I hope you guys can work it out and put this marriage back together!
More than likely he is in it for just the sex. If you do get back together I would try something different to make him not wander off anymore. Yes I would work things out with him. But I am telling you know it will not be easy. Do it because you want to not just because of your kid.
I'm afraid it could be a long term relationship to be very frank with you. Men like other than just normal bedroom routine, so good exciting sex makes a relationship stronger. The only thing that could undermine that is if she was a ****.





First think if you really want that man back, and if you're sure, dump the guy you're seeing now, and then go and get your man back. Don't speak bad about his current girlfriend, that would be a mistake, just show him that you're better than her.
Maybe he just wanted ';a freak';! Sounds like he got what he wanted too. Just because she gets a bit more ';kinky'; in the bedroom, doesn't mean thier relationship won't last. The obvious is that he doesn't want you! If he did, he wouldn't have his slong in another womans openings! LoL...even if she is a fling, and you get back together...he will still cheat on you. Perhaps its time to wake up and smell the coffee. Move on with your life.
txjeepn, I am reporting you for being nasty.


If I was you, HBIC I would probably file a report against that girl and take that video and show it to her mother. I've been a snitch for a long time and I've gotten very good at it. You should get copies of that video, you never know when they may come in handy.
I don't think her behavior (solely based on those photos) means anything at this point. He could be serious about her, he might not be, it depends on the man. But considering you were married to him at one point, you'd know best.


As far as holding out hope goes, I wouldn't do that. I'm a realist and my thinking is, if he isn't showing any interest in me to indicate otherwise, it isnt there. So I'd forget about him and focus on my current relationship. And don't worry, you're the mother of his child and you aren't going anywhere so if it's meant to be, it'll be.
Nothing you described is dirty/nasty or indicative that she's not respectable.





You don't know much about sex and what men like/want, do you? Anal and oral are practiced my millions of respectable people all over the world...





If I were separated from my partner and they were in a new relationship I'd accept that they'd moved on.





Edit: Just because you wouldn't do it doesn't make a girl who would not respectable...
If I am in your shoes, I would probably observe how my ex husband is treating me. If I can still sense that he still have feelings for me even just a bit (romatically) I would consider the sexcapade video was just past time for him and I could still win him back. But if I sensed that he is not in to me anymore, I will let him go and move on. It'll be hard at first but I will not let anybody take away the respect I still have for myself and the love I have for my daughter.
Why may I ask were you going through his wallet ? If he is your Ex, that is out of bounds. How would you feel if he went through your purse ?


Maybe the reason you are separated is because there are also so many things you would not do with him ! It could also be that she does not know that he recorded her. The possibilities and probabilities can be numerous.
HBIC, I like you so I'm not going to be a sarcastic as I would like on this one but this may still sting a little so brace yourself.........


Sounds like somebody got some green eye goin on now doesn't it. It's seems a little funny that now you know how she puts it on him she gotta be all kinds of sleezy, ho'ish, not worthy of respect, or meeting his mom. Get a grip girl!


BTW. You two must be pretty cozy if you have access to his phone and wallet like that. I mean where was he when you got that? In the shower? After what? Act like you know girl. My bet is that you have a fair shot to put it on him like he likes it. If you really want him then do your thing. If you aren't willing to go that far then let the man go baby. It ain't for you and there's nothing wrong with that. You have a responsibility to yourself to DO YOU!
So you said you had a lot in common with him? As in you make these kind of videos and pictures like him? If so post them up lets take a look.





And what where you doing snooping in his wallet. Where was this video? In his wallet. How did you come in possession of this video?





This sounds like a total bunch of BS.